Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Daycare Trouble Update!

It's a little uncanny the timing of this story - how it played out, anyway.

My last post was from Friday afternoon after the meeting with the director of the daycare center.  We had an action plan.  I was feeling a lot better.

And then we went to pick Aidan up on Friday night.

When we walked in the entrance, there stood the director in the main lobby, waiting for us.  I could tell from the expression on her face that she needed to talk to us sooner than later.  She asked if she could walk us to his classroom and talk on the way.

Turns out she did have that meeting with Cody's mom.  And she - for lack of a better way to say it - kinda freaked out and blamed ALL of this on the lead teacher in the classroom.  I laughed out loud when the director told me this.  Of all the people in the world to blame this on, I can't believe she chose that teacher.  The one who's gone so far above and beyond for this kid, it's absurd.  She's spent her own time researching and trying to find new things to try to make things better, despite the kid's own mother insisting he's a normal toddler and being rude toward her.

Anyway, once Cody's mom started bashing the teacher, the director had had enough (mind you this was not the first meeting they'd ever had, there were tons and tons before, always with similar results)... and so the director told Cody's mom that she stands by her teachers and all they've done for Cody.  She went on to tell his mom that if she was that unhappy with the care he was getting, maybe she should find care elsewhere.  Apparently, Cody's mom replied that he would be gone within two weeks.

WOW!  What a start to my weekend!

On our way to daycare on Monday morning, I thought to myself, "ahh, two more weeks, and then we're on to something better."  Imagine my surprise, then, when we arrived in the classroom to find Cody's mom packing up his cubby.  Cody wasn't there.  She had always been so friendly toward all the other parents; this time she wouldn't even acknowledge me.  I don't think we even made eye contact.  Talk about awkward.

So, Aidan started his week in a whole new - yet very familiar - environment.  I was left hoping that within a couple of weeks we'd start to see changes in him.

Last night, we picked up a happy kid.  We had a lovely evening, the three of us.  No tantrums, no freaking out, no hitting, no attitude, no time-outs, nary a tear was shed.  (Not by him and not by me either!!)  WOW! I chalked this up to coincidence.  Certainly this change couldn't have made this much of a difference in just ONE day, right??

Wrong.  This morning, on the second day Cody-free, Aidan's teacher sent me a text.  Said there'd only been one 'incident' so far today and they were able to work through it without a big problem.  She said she's already noticing he is less frustrated.  And he is talking more!!  I fought tears when I read her text.  Maybe my sweet little boy isn't gone after all!  He was just on an extended vacation for a while.

After all he went through for all those months, I'm glad I finally did something.  I am SO happy that I took a stand when I did.

And with that said, this is a really mixed feeling.  I feel really terrible for Cody and the fact that he probably isn't going to get the help he desperately needs in order to become a successful and happy person.  I don't even know that it would require any sort of intensive help, but either way, he won't get it, because his mother is in denial.  And that is so very sad.

On the other hand, I feel so relieved.  I advocated for my child after putting up with this stuff for WAY too long.  The director and the teachers even told me that the parents in our classroom put up with 'much more than they should have to' throughout all of this.  That felt good.  I didn't run crying to the director at the first sign of trouble (which was well over a year ago).  I waited, and waited, and tried hard to work with the teachers and be a support where I could while also looking out for Aidan's best interest.

For the first time in weeks, I am nearly beside myself with anticipation for picking him up tonight.  (I'm always happy to see him, but for a while, pickup also signaled the start of 2-3 hours of difficulty.  I like this much better!)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to pick up my little hero!


Mrs. Gamgee said...

While I feel bad for Cody, I'm so glad for your's and Aiden's sakes. That had to be so stressful...

Bethanie said...

I worked at a daycare before my daughter arrived and we had a "Cody". I was the only teacher that he would semi-tolerate in his world. He just couldn't control himself. Sometimes I could see him struggling to try and do so, but almost always the "bad" would win out. His mom was the same way. Just before I left she had stopped talking to any of the staff altogether. She would be talking on her cell while she collected him so as not to hear about his day. It isn't fair to the teachers who want to do their best or the children who have their whole day distrupted by the one child. Kids like Cody need a one-on-one envirement. For them, the stimulation and audiance of daycare is just too much.