I just really can't believe that Aidan will be a year old tomorrow. I know it's not supposed to be any sort of earth-shattering thing, but for me it is. It really, really is. I spent sooooooooooo long fearing (sometimes actually believing) that I would never plan a birthday party for a child. That I would never get to sit in my living room with a kid on my lap and help him open presents while all our friends and family look on and took pictures.
For the first time, I had to fight feeling guilty for being so excited about tomorrow. Yes, it's a happy day and most certainly a reason to celebrate and to party like it's 1999. (What?) But it's also a somber day. Suddenly my feelings were mixed. I processed all of this on the five-minute drive home. It was chilly and raining. It was just past dusk. Headlights of oncoming cars shone bright on my tired eyes, magnified by the raindrops on my windshield.